Some of you may have noticed that it has been awhile since I have written. This year has brought so many amazing things into my life, and so many overwhelming feelings that I was not prepared to feel.
I discussed in my last blog that I suffer from social anxiety, and after writing it I had so many friends reach out and tell me they had no idea. I thought writing about how I was feeling would be therapeutic and help me to better deal with what I was going through. But the truth is that it did and it didn’t.
To start, I don’t want to say that it didn’t help to write about it, because it did, I think the problem was that I wasn’t ready to deal with them. The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster. From the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows, the truth is that life is hard. It isn’t always easy and people come into your life and leave your life, and things happen that have ripple effects. Sometimes when you get everything you’ve always wanted you aren’t prepared to not feel complete? – Let me explain.
From the moment I became a mother to our beautiful little boy, I felt a sense of meaning, that I finally knew what I wanted from life, what I needed and that I had found something that really made me happy – I couldn’t wait to do it again! Flash forward 2.5 years and after many discussions with my husband, friends who have multiples, we tried and we got pregnant. It was all I had wanted, but I couldn’t explain why this didn’t make me the happiest person in the world. So many people long for babies, and try and try and it doesn’t happen or suffer loses, and we were truly blessed that this time around trying, it happened right away. We are going to be a family of 4 – what I wasn’t prepared for was the feeling of loss. Sometimes gaining one more means that you have to mourn the loss of an only child, you have to mourn the loss of time, and you have to admit that getting pregnant at a time when you’re not emotionally healthy can be hard.
This year has been one of the hardest in a long time. I felt the best way to deal with it, wasn’t to pretend my life was perfect and continue writing blogs, when I didn’t have my heart in it. I didn’t want to pretend on social media that I was this incredibly happy person, when the truth is most days I didn’t feel that way. We are gearing down to the end of this pregnancy, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. The morning sickness has finally ended, I will be going on leave at the end of the week and I know it couldn’t come at a more perfect time. The aches and pains are coming on stronger, and I know this means our little bundle is coming soon. My family has gone through so much the past few months and I know we are ready to bring this baby into this family with happy hearts. I know that it won’t be easy, or all be good days but I think I am finally emotionally healthy to bring this baby. Part of me thinks I needed each one of these bad days, these struggles, these lessons to get to this point – part of me thinks it was too much to deal with. But I am so excited for the future.
My absence from the blog was really good for me, as much as It brings me pleasure and fulfillment in writing sometimes its nice to step away, not put so much on yourself to enjoy the family time, the toddler snuggles, the married life and not put extra pressure on things. I have tried to spend as much time as possible really enjoy Pearce before our time together is shared. I think this for me will be the hardest, I have no idea what our future brings or what being a mom of 2 is all about but I am so excited to find out.
Until baby’s arrival later next month, I plan on enjoying snuggles with the toddler, and puppies. Possibly a date night with the hub, and definitely some oreo cookies dipped in milk.
Tata For Now Friends ❤